9 strategies for non-oppressive polyamory
9 strategies for non-oppressive polyamory
9 Strategies for Non-Oppressive Polyamory, Polyamory has no pass to be radical without an analysis of the power in our interactions. It doesn’t stop at opening up and communicating with multiple friends, partners, lovers, etc. We need to situate these relationships within larger systems of domination and recognize the ways in which going out and engaging people (multiple or not) can hurt. within these systems. Our intimate politics are often the most deeply rooted; it is hard work to do. But I thought I’d start the conversation by destabilizing the poly as a “more radical than you” thing. To this end,
1. Don’t treat your partners as less or more than each other based on super hierarchical divisions. Numbering and ranking do not create resistant same-sex relationships; openness and compassion do. Your secondary partners aren’t secondary people — they’re just not the people you could devote the most time or energy to in any particular way.
2. Avoid creating situations in which your partners compete for your affections, as if you were a capitalist rare commodity. This is especially true if you have a position of power over most of your partners. As if you are a center man and mainly date women. Or if you’re a white person and all of your partners are POC, in which case you should be wondering how your body has all these colonial legacies of beauty privilege attached to it. Your partners are “unlucky” because you are dating them – it goes both ways.
3. Never claim your partners as trophies of social justice. Your dates have names, so you don’t need to introduce them as [marginalized person XYZ]. You don’t get ally points this way.
Before we continue, we need to understand two very important concepts that will help us get closer to the definition of asexuality :
4. Remember that polyamory does not make you radical on its own, no matter which direction your desire is pointing. We all have these preferences based on race, class, abilities, gender, etc. which require in-depth work and questioning. Dating 5 white cisgender people at once is not necessarily a drastic act.
5. Avoid the “I gotta catch ’em all” dating theory. Being super non-consensual and denying privileges does not make healthy communities. Nor refusing to be in community with people if there is no possibility that you can date them or fuck them.
6. Do not monitor others’ monogamy or other relationship structures. You can do your thing, but everyone also has their own circumstances, often influenced by class, ability, free time and racialized ideas of scum – all of which can limit someone’s access to the no -monogamy. Not everyone wants or can have sex/dating multiple people.
7. Keep in mind that “poly” is not a category of oppression per se. It is not a monogamous-supremacist world. There are material privileges that support your access to the possibility of non-monogamy, that is, the fact that you are able to make this choice.
8. Recognize that your non-romantic, non-sexual relationships are also real and valid! Keep your understanding of love broad and political accordingly. Other people may not need or want as many lovers as you do because they are engaged in different varieties of relationships.
9. Finally, remember that polyamory is not a new or cutting-edge concept invented in the western world. It’s a millennial idea to have and value multiple relationships. Let us avoid perpetuating this cultural erasure.
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