the pros and cons of coming out LGBT LGBTQIA+
The pros and cons of coming out LGBT LGBTQIA+
the pros and cons of coming out LGBT LGBTQIA+
What are the pros and cons of coming out lgbt ?
Coming out is a process that can be both positive and negative. For those who choose to come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, it can lead to feelings of relief or excitement. The downsides of coming out are the fear of being rejected by friends and family. Coming out can also lead to verbal harassment from strangers.
Why come out?
One thing is certain: there is no obligation to come out. On the other hand, we derive many benefits from it. When we have accepted our homosexuality we also want our loved ones to know it and accept it too. We must keep in mind that the people who love us want to see us happy above all else!
Here is a sampling of the reasons to come out :
Stop pretending to be interested in the opposite sex;
Being able to go out with your lover, your spouse;
Have more self-esteem;
To be accepted as one is;
Help change society’s view of homosexuality.
Be careful not to do it for the wrong reasons:
Express resentment and settle scores with family;
Going to war against homophobes prove to them that they should be more tolerant.
This is a sign that we may not be ready to announce our homosexuality and we could hurt ourselves by wanting to “hurt” the other or make him pay for past events.
The main reasons that pushed me to take the plunge? To be able to be myself and find happiness surrounded by people who love me for who I really am.
Who to come out to ?
One person at a time or small group of people.
My first coming outs were all to one person at a time, to lessen the emotional load: to one of my best friends, to my sister, to friends. That of my parents, I did it to both at the same time (STRIKE!!!!!!!). At work, I made several coming outs including two in small groups.
The first with two colleagues from my department who I think already had doubts about my sexuality. I was asked if I had a girlfriend and I took the opportunity to come out and it went like a letter in the mail.
The second was also with colleagues from another department. There must have been almost 10 of us having lunch in a meeting room. We came to discuss a real estate purchase that I had made with my spouse. When I said that I had bought with my boyfriend, there was a silence, looks, like a slight shock for some, especially for the guys present. Fortunately, a colleague quickly interrupted the dead silence by asking me other questions about buying real estate. In the end, it liberates and relationships are more sincere.
To gay friends
Turning to gay friends is a great way to get support and comfort from people who have been through the same thing, gone through the same hardships, and asked the same questions . It reduces fear and guilt.
When I really became aware of my homosexuality, I had no gay friends in my entourage, finally, who assumed their sexuality. Heu-reu-se-ly there is Find… uh sorry Forum yes yes the forums!!!!!!! It’s a great way to come out virtual and anonymous, to a listening community that won’t judge you (even if some people itch to criticize you, they will be quickly reprimanded by other members, believe me) , it is a good tool to get in touch with members of the LGBT community to discuss and share experiences, good and bad.
It gives courage to know that we are not alone and that others have done it and succeeded in coming out and in addition in circumstances sometimes much more delicate than ours!!
To Straight Friends
It’s a bit more difficult stage :-D. The reaction is often a shock and it’s a bit confusing, especially when you’ve known each other for a long time. Some may already know this and out of respect for our silence do not tell us about it: thanks to them! On the other hand, I remember a so-called “friend” who had made several allusions to me about homosexuals in the presence of my girlfriend at the time when I had not yet really accepted my sexuality.
In some cases, we have the impression of being faced with a logic “I don’t like gay people, but you I like you” uhhhhh. It is already a base we will say, maybe the vision will evolve over time And at worst it is pure and simple rejection. AND well those, too bad for them: who can wish to have friends who appreciate you if you are not yourself ? If we have enough self-esteem, we no longer need the approval of others to be at peace with ourselves.
To the family
We are going crescendo in the difficulty, in particular with the parents. For them, it is their role as parents that is called into question if they did not see it coming or were blind to the signs.
It means mourning the son-in-law or daughter-in-law project that they had been developing for their offspring for more than ten years. And especially the desire for a small child!
Due to the distance from my family, I had to come out to my sister over the phone. Hearing her tears several thousand kilometers away touched me a lot, I would have liked to be present at these sides. This is also one of the reasons why I waited to be able to do it in person to my parents.
To your colleagues
Just as straight people don’t talk about their private life to the whole club, LGBT people have NO obligation to talk about it. You can choose to tell only certain colleagues. This is the choice I made. I only tell a few people at work.
It’s strange how some people feel aggrieved when they find out about it through the rumors of the hallway (But he/she didn’t say anything to me!!) and come to see you as if to sneakily extract information about your private life from you. even make you come out a little while passing. Personally, I find that hilarious. Given what some people do with the little things they think they know, it doesn’t make you want to share more than a hello, good evening with them.
To society and the world
And why not everyone? This is the choice that some people make by assuming themselves on social networks like Facebook or Youtube. It can also go through participating in gaypride. I haven’t participated yet!! Until now, I probably had a blockage with the notion of “gaypride”. But my little finger tells me that it won’t be long, I’ve already learned about the next one in my city hihihi.
And then to assume oneself in the eyes of the world, it is quite simply to live one’s life openly and freely: to hold hands, to kiss each other on the station platform before parting .
Casually, these are completely banal attitudes but which are not interpreted as such either by others, or by oneself sometimes. It is still today a militant act to be arm in arm while strolling in the street.
So, are we ready to do it ?
Your motivations: concrete and personal
To find out, we must already take stock of these motivations. We can start to list our own motivations such as:
- More honest relationship with my family;
- Big less weight on the shoulders;
- Less unnecessary stress trying to hide a part of yourself.
But all that is not very concrete, we remain quite vague in the end and that is not enough to really motivate ourselves!! You have to really feel things, visualize in detail the benefits of taking action and finally come out . What will be the beneficial effects on oneself, on our relationships with others, on our life?
In this case, a lot less weight on the shoulders could be detailed as:
- I feel relieved to no longer have to pretend that I am in a roommate with a friend when I am in a relationship with him/her;
- I no longer have to be uncomfortable or avoid topics that t
Obviously, we don’t live in the world of care bears, hence the importance of the following steps.
The risks: to be interpreted rationally
To assess as objectively as possible the risks that there may be in coming out, you must first put things straight and know clearly what you fear and whether the seriousness of the danger is real or imagined.
The risks vary depending on the context :
- Deteriorated relationship with his friends;
- Being rejected by his brothers and sisters;
- To find oneself without resources, abandoned by one’s parents;
exaggerate the risks. And maybe that’s why I repressed my homosexuality for so many years.
To reduce one’s perception of risk, an interesting exercise consists in listing the arguments which confirm this risk AND the arguments which, on the contrary, reduce it. And this for each identified risk. To do this you just need a sheet of paper or a Word file and form two columns as shown in the table below.
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